SWEET DREAMS-26

I was now out of my former abusive relationship but, I was not free of the painful memories and scars that a lifetime of abuse had left with me. I expected everything to totally blow up in my face. I did not tell my new found love about my painful past. I learned from past mistakes, it's not always a good idea to bare your soul to someone that you care about. There was this one occasion when I was at work and my youngest son became ill, while in school and the school nurse phoned my older brother because he was listed as an emergency contact person, to pick up my son. Anyway, by the time I returned home from work, my children were at my older brother's house. He sent them home, and came over to my home shortly afterwards, he had been drinking, at any rate he was ranting and raving about me not taking care of my business, and not being their for my kids. I don't know why exactly, that I let him get to me. But, I was hurt by the negative things that he was saying, even though I knew that they were not true. I finally threw him out of my house. I have not listed him as an emergency contact person since. He pulled a similar episode once, when my new love was visiting. It was very embarrasing to say the least, even though he just made himself look bad, I was still embarrased by his behavior. I have often felt that I would have really been better off, not finding out about my blood relatives. They have caused me s-o-o-o much pain and heartache. I've had to go through counseling and I'm still a mess. Anyway, I was very happy for 2 years, my current husband and I were married on Valentine's Day 2002. And then all sorts of bad things started to happen. It was one unbelievable thing after the other. Things and circumstances that would definitely challenge our relationship and our love for each other. After 2 years, the rug was FINALLY SNATCHED FROM UNDERNEATH ME. I discovered that my wonderful, considerate and loving husband could be very verbally abusive, especially after a few drinks. And I also found out that I myself could be verbally abusive also. And the house that I was buying, wasn't fit for an animal to even live in. We also had 2 attempted home invasions and 2 attempted burglaries but, we had three pit bull/chow mixed dogs that kept us safe. We had our one and only vehicle destroyed. One night someone came by and broke all of the windows out of it. Shortly after this incident, this enormous tree that we had in our back yard, fell on top of our garage early one morning. It was really scary when this thing fell, first my husband and I heard a cracking sound and then a few seconds later BAAM! I was like "What was That"? and he was like "I think a tree just crashed" and that's exactly what happened. And then one night we were sleeping and the kids awoke us screaming "Mom there's a bat hanging upside down our room!". My husband ran in their room to investigate, I remained outside of their bedroom. We called animal control and they came out and took care of it. But, these are episodes that were happening to us on a very regular and everyday basis. The above mentioned accounts are not even a quarter of some of the things that were going on in our lives.

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3-time murderer gets 50 years in 2008 Lake Highlands slaying of ex | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Dallas-Fort Worth Crime News | Dallas-Fort Worth News

3-time murderer gets 50 years in 2008 Lake Highlands slaying of ex | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Dallas-Fort Worth Crime News | Dallas-Fort Worth News

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S-C-A-R-Y!

I read the following story in our local newspaper today and found it to very scary, as well as sad because the husband had included his 5 year old daughter in his madness. Please Read On------A Belleville man was sentenced to 10 years in prison for attempting to blow up his wife and 5 year old daughter. According to the newspaper, Prosecutors say the man was enraged with his wife, because she admitted to having an affair. So he duct-taped her and tied her up to a kitchen cabinet,he then turned on the gas in their stove. He also left their 5 year old daughter in the kitchen. After being tied up for several hours, the woman finally managed to free herself and grab her daughter and flee to a neighbor. The house EXPLODED within minutes after she fled, damaging a number of other houses within a three block radius.

SWEET DREAMS-25

My Mom passed away a year and a half after I married my 3rd husband. She came to Peoria to visit my older brother and I about 2 months before she died. She passed away right before Thanksgiving of 2003. I married my 3rd husband a little over a year after we met. My first two abusive marriages took place around six months after I met my abusers. My 3rd husband did not try to rush me into marriage. He did not mind me having friends and he was not suspicious of my every move. He treated my children as if they were his own. He respected me as a woman. Unfortunately my Mom died without telling me the true identity of my biological father. She had told me that my step grandpa had raped her at the age of 18 and my grandma had thrown her out of the house, blaming her for the incident. She had told me that this was her reason, for not allowing my grandma to raise me as a child. My grandma had raised my two brothers, but my Mom had given me up for adoption as I mentioned earlier in Sweet Dreams. I think perhaps, a lot of the negative put downs that I was told as a child, had a lot to do with the fact that my self-esteem was at an all time low. My adoptive Mom would say things to me like "You are going to be a good-for-nothing whore, just like your Mother". And she and a close friend of hers also told me that my Mother never wanted me....I cried many, many nights, alone in my room because of these negative statements.I felt that since my own Mother did not care for me, no one else possibly could......so, I settled for abusive men. My first abusive husband of whom I married on my 17th birthday, beat me,raped me and kept me away from friends and family and ultimately took away my 3 older children from me, as punishment for leaving him. He would not even allow me to see my children at times. I would go over to see them or pick them up and he would not open the door. They would look out of the window and see me and cry. I was helpless. This was one of the most painful things, that I've ever experienced. I totally understand why a woman would not want to take a chance on losing her children by leaving an abuser of whom, has threatened to take away her children. Losing your children is a very devastating experience. I even tried to commit suicide, after losing my children and I almost succeeded, I was comatose for three days. My family was told to call in a minister, because I would not make it. But, God had a purpose for me so, I did not die. I had taken an overdose of sleeping pills prescribed by my psychiatrist. So,I know what abuse as well as depression can do to a person. If only we would pay closer attention to obvious signs of an abuser, we could without doubt spare ourselves a lot of heartache and damage............

ABUSER ARRESTED

My 22 year old daughter's ex-abusive boyfriend has been arrested for AGGRAVATED CRIMINAL SEXUAL ASSAULT. This was reported in our local paper. I am relieved now, maybe just maybe, I can start sleeping again nights. Maybe she can get her life back now. I have been so terrified for her since he tried to burn us all alive on June 6th. She had told me that he was charged with allegedly raping a 7 year old girl and served time in a juvenile detention center, when he was 12 years old. He had also confessed to my daughter that he was raped as a boy growing up, so her ex-abuser had a lot of critical issues that, my daughter did not see as WARNING SIGNS. I pray that she now has some insight as to abusive warning signs to look for in the future.

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SWEET DREAMS-24

Once my abusive husband was removed from our home and served with the protection order by the police, he moved in with his neighbor friend for a couple of months. During this time, he and the neighbor's would sit in their back yard, drink beer and watch the kids and I. I had already warned the children not to talk to him under any circumstances. Because he had threatened to steal my two sons. About two months later, I was told by another neighbor that his friend had been arrested. I didn't see him around anywhere after that. I later found out that he had returned to our hometown. I finally breathed a sigh of relief but, I also felt a deep sadness. I knew that I probably would never see him again. How I wished that things could have been different.But at least now,I had the opportunity to go out and find myself a job and that is exactly what I did. I found a part time job working in dietary, at a local nursing home where I met my 3rd husband. This was a very, very wonderful time in my life and this particular time in my life has the best and most cherished memories of my entire life. There was never a happier time, then this time period in my life. I was ecstatic to finally feel as if I were a normal everyday person, leading a normal everyday. My abusive ex-husband never bothered us again. I was also very happy that I had divorced him before leaving my hometown. When I met my future husband at the nursing home however, I LOOKED FOR CLUES, ANY CLUES AT ALL TO ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR. To my relief, I did not see any. I watched my kid's reaction to him also. They liked him a lot,right from the very start. This is something that I did not expect, however. I know that with my 2nd abusive husband, my 3 older kid's hated him and none of my family or friends liked him. So, I vowed to observe my children's reaction to the next man that I dated. This was such a magical time in my life,that I kept holding my breath and wondering exactly when someone was going to snatch the rug from underneath me. I was not accustomed to being happy months on end. I kept asking myself "AM I DREAMING?"........

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SWEET DREAMS-23

This was a very difficult time for me, I had really wanted everything to work, for my children's sake. I wanted them to have their Dad in their lives but,on the other hand I could and would not let them grow up damaged by abuse. So, as I explained early on in SWEET DREAMS, when my abusive husband took his anger out on my 5 year old by yelling at him over the Comic Books, I realized that he did not BELONG IN OUR LIVES. There was other abusive behavior that lead up to this but, the incident with my 5 year old was the LAST STRAW. I can remember he would talk a lot about how he was neglected by his Mom and how she treated him different from his two siblings, and how his Dad had beat-up his Mom so badly that her face was unrecognizable on one occasion.He also confided in me that he was molested at 7 years old by his babysitter...So if only I had paid attention to all of these warning signs....the jealous rages, his very explosive temper....If only....I kept going over if only... if only. But, I had to let go of him. I could not change him. I had three children to think about and THEY HAD TO COME FIRST. I have often looked back at my life over the years and I was ABUSED MOST OF MY LIFE. ABUSE IS NOT O.K.,PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF THE MANY WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE! IF YOU HAVE NOT READ ALL OF SWEET DREAMS, PLEASE GO BACK AND READ FROM THE BEGINNING. And Please feel free to post a comment here.

SWEET DREAMS-22

Everything went well for a few months, until one night my older brother and his wife came over to visit. Everything seemed fine until the moment they left. All of sudden my abusive husband flew into a rage, he started yelling at me about my relatives coming over, and going on and on about them not liking him. When I tried to tell him to calm down because he was going to wake the kids, he rushed over and hit me so hard that, I ended up dazed on the floor. I started to cry, I just sat there and cried. He turned around and jumped into bed as if nothing had happened. Amazingly, my children slept through it. I was relieved that they didn't wake up. After I was sure that he was asleep, I got up off of the floor and cleaned myself up. I could not fall asleep right away, I bundled up on the sofa for the rest of the night. By now,I was terrified again. I thought to myself "How could I put myself and my kids back in the situation again?" I must have drifted off to sleep at some point because the next thing that I knew, the sun was shining brightly threw the living room window. He apologized that morning, stating that he was just tired and he wasn't going to hit me again....(those famous last words again) When he came home later that day from work, he had roses and a bottle of my favorite wine. I knew however, that this was the beginning of the abuse all over again.He even became a little angry because I was not impressed with his peace offering. But, he didn't really say anything. During his time with us, he lavished gifts on the kids and myself. But,the time finally came when he grew tired of working everyday, and he just wanted to drink beer and hang out with the friends that he had made in Peoria. He had met this one neighbor guy that had an abusive relationship with his wife. Anyway, he started lying to me about going to work. I happen to discover this one day after dropping my sons off at school. I saw him walking with the neighbor guy, carrying what looked like alcoholic beverages in a bag. They did not notice me. Anyway he lied and said that he had worked that day. He had also told me on a couple of occasions, if I kicked him out again, he would take my sons back to our hometown and I would never see them again. So you see, an abuser will use ANY MEANS NECESSARY TO KEEP TOTAL CONTROLL OF HIS VICTIM.....THIS IS WHY THAT ONCE YOU GET OUT YOU CAN'T GO BACK. But, this is a lesson that I would finally learn.....

Midlothian police say man killed ex-wife before taking his own life in front of family | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Dallas-Fort Worth Crime News | Dallas-Fort Worth News

Midlothian police say man killed ex-wife before taking his own life in front of family | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Dallas-Fort Worth Crime News | Dallas-Fort Worth News

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SWEET DREAMS-21

My estranged husband said to me "Just say the word and I'll be on my way there", and I said the word. He took the bus to Peoria within a couple of days after, I gave him the O. K. to come. It had been well over two years since we had last lived together so, my now 4 and 5 year old sons did not remember a whole lot about their father. The one thing that would stand out in my 5 year old's head, was this one occasion when his father, of whom was very talented as far as gymnastics, ran up a tree and did a flip down. He remembered this well and wanted to see his father do this again so, his father ran up the tree in the front yard and did a flip...My 5 year old said "MY DADDY'S A POWER RANGER!". To that my abusive husband said "No Man, I'm not a power ranger,I'm just your daddy. I must say that this was one of his better moments. I sometimes joke with my son about this moment. He still remembers it well. My sons don't recall the violence too well. My 22 year old daughter recalls a lot of the abuse that I suffered naturally, because she was older. But anyway, he lived here in Peoria with us for short while. By Golly Wow! He even went out and got a job. I was impressed and I really thought that he was going to help raise his two sons and my daughter. I thought that the violence was behind us but, I was WRONG....This is quite simply what the PREVENTION OF ABUSE CENTER CALLS THE HONEYMOON PERIOD..(the absence of violence)....This is only a cycle that goes around and around, if the ABUSER DOES NOT SEEK HELP...THIS PERIOD IS SHORT LIVED AND DOES NOT LAST!...

SWEET DREAMS-20

My Mom came to visit from Florida shortly after I arrived in Peoria.She came with her husband of whom, I was meeting for the first time. She did not mention why she had lied to me about my father. I didn't bring it up either. She and her husband didn't stay very long, it was a brief visit. This was the one and only occasion that I met her husband. Living with my older brother was tremendously stressful. We argued about everything. He would provoke or attempt to provoke arguments with everyone in his household. And he would NEVER LET YOU FORGET THAT IT WAS HIS HOUSEHOLD. But finally, with my savings and some help from my Mom and my younger brother,(he lives out east also) I was able to move into a small house. It was not the greatest of circumstances but, at least the kids and I could finally have some peace. We were no longer living in someone else's household. The house was located only about four houses down from my older brother but still, I had my own space again and I thanked God for that. But guess what? After awhile, a few months after moving into our new home, I became very, very lonely. I loved spending time with my kids, I loved watching cartoons with them and taking them to the park, cooking their favorite meals. Taking them for walks and shopping. I loved all of this but, at night after I put them in bed....I was alone. So, I started making phones calls back to my hometown to some of my friends and I ended up talking to GUESS WHO? My estranged abusive husband, my 3 and 4 year olds father. I wanted to believe that he could change, I wanted to believe that because I had moved out of town somehow this would make him change. I was DELUSIONAL, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. I'm sure that you can see where this is going. Yes, I'm getting ready to make A MISTAKE. You know, even to this day I can not understand my love for him. I did love him, a lot. He hurt me so many times physically and emotionally. Why do we become ADDICTED TO OUR ABUSERS ??? Very, Very LOW SELF-ESTEEM.....

SWEET DREAMS-19

We spent only one night at the motel, my Mom arranged for us to stay with a friend of hers until she could make travel arrangements for us to leave town. Her friend was a lady that was well acquainted with my Mom's mother (my grandma) of whom I did not get to know very well, she passed away in 1991. Well anyway, during our stay with this family friend, she told me a lot of shocking stories that I did not know..She explained to me that my grandmother was a victim of domestic violence for years, her husband (of whom I barely knew either) beat her to the point that she had to be hospitalized on several occasions. And this guy was not a small man. My grandma was a petite woman. So, here I was finding out more and more family secrets. Finally my Mom called and told me that she had purchased tickets for us to travel by bus to Peoria, where my older brother and his family resided. My older brother and I had attended Jr. High and High school together but,we did not know that we were brother and sister, until the first time that I met my Mom (at 16). At any rate, something went wrong with her ticket purchase and my older brother ended up driving to my hometown to pick us up. We made one more trip back to my hometown to pick up the remainder of our belongings,and that was over ten years ago. I have not been back to my hometown since then. I have my two oldest sons 26 and 31, of whom still reside there. My oldest daughter age 29, lives out east.They are my children from my first abusive marriage, there are still s-o-o many stories from back then.......Well, back to the story at hand, my three babies ages 3, 4, and 9 and myself were now living with my older brother and his family. He and his wife, had five kids of their own living at home. We would live with them for FIVE OF THE LONGEST MONTHES OF MY LIFE! My older brother is not an EASY PERSON TO LIVE WITH, to say the VERY least. He can be VERBALLY ABUSIVE....I hope that you can remember, earlier in Sweet Dreams, I mentioned VERBAL ABUSE. There are verbally abusive people also of whom, may or may not become physically abusive. I realized early on that I WOULD NOT be able to live with my brother for very long......

LA man sentenced to death in brutal 2006 stabbing of former girlfriend - LA Daily News

LA man sentenced to death in brutal 2006 stabbing of former girlfriend - LA Daily News

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SWEET DREAMS-18

I soon heard him leave the house...I went out into the dining room and called my Mom.I didn't know what else to do at this point. I had a gnash in my head about 2 inches long and 1/4 of an inch deep. I told my Mom what happened and she told me to pack a few things for the kids and myself and check into a motel. She asked me to let her know where I'm staying because she was going to make a few phone calls. So, I packed and took the kids to a nearby motel and called my Mom back. She ended up making arrangements for me to leave town. This is how I ended up in Peoria, over 10 years ago. I was almost 40 years old, I had been married twice to abusive men, and in between I had an abusive boyfriend, and now I had came very close to getting my brains blown out by someone that I was told was my father,I was not even involved with this person and I still became a victim of violence....that night in the motel after I put my kids to bed, I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I cried myself to sleep. So, you see I was abused most of my life. SO PLEASE DON'T BE A REPEAT VICTIM OF ABUSE! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND GET OUT NOW! PLEASE READ SWEET DREAMS FROM THE BEGINNING AND TAKE NOTE OF THE WARNING SIGNS OF A POTENTIAL ABUSER. Unfortunately, I have a LOT of painful memories to share here with you. But, I'm praying that I can encourage some victims to seek help in getting out of an abusive situation....

SWEET DREAMS-17

By now I was extremely vulnerable, I started meeting with my estranged abusive 2nd husband from time to time, at a friends house. Sometimes,I would visit him at his mom's house. Anyway, one day he came over to where I was staying and rang the doorbell and asked to see me. This did not go over well, with the nutcase that I was living with. I went to the door and spoke with my estranged husband....after he left, my make believe dad snapped....He started yelling at me about how he had allowed me to live in his home rent free without, receiving anything in return, and how I could have everything but, I would rather choose a loser instead. I honestly do not recall anything else, except for my 3 children screaming in the background, Don't hurt my Momma, please don't hurt my Momma. He must have hit me with something in my head, there was blood running down my face to the point, that I could barely see...I ran into the bathroom and grabbed a towel to clean the blood from my eyes...(There was a linen closet to the right side from the bathroom)He ran to the linen closet and grabbed a gun out.....when I walked out of the bathroom, he pointed it dead in my face! My babies were still screaming and crying in the background, it seemed as if my whole entire life flashed before my very eyes...I remember thinking o-h my god!...please don't let this be it, my children need me, please, please. I said to him "Please don't do this, please let me take my children out of here, please, don't do this".....He stood there and stared at me with that gun pointed in my face for what seemed like forever....when he finally put the gun down.....I breathed a sigh of relief and neither one of us said a word to each other..I immediately ran to the bedroom where my children were and held them tight and cried silently because they were already terrified..they had witnessed something that NO CHILD should ever witness......I knew that I had to get my children out of there immediately........

Romantic Moments Digital Sampler

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SWEET DREAMS-16

On the way to the doctor's office, to submit our DNA for the paternity test I kept thinking "This can't be real, why can't I wake up"?......My father who was not my father as I was about to discover in about 6 weeks, kept saying to me that I should just take his word for it, that he is not my father. He said " The $600.00 that I'm paying for the paternity test I can just give to you. You can live with me always and I'll take care of you and your kids". I tried explaining to this nutcase, that I wasn't interested and that I could not consider this for very obvious reasons but, I honestly think that he did not get what I was saying.He was so use to buying everything and everyone, including my mother. Anyway, the kids and I ended up having to stay there awhile because I didn't have anywhere to go. The paternity results came in the mail about 6 weeks later and I will never forget that day. After opening the results, he called for me to come into the living room and gave me the results, without saying anything further to me. I nervously open the envelope and read the results which said that he was 99.9 % NOT MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER.....I Started to cry, just as I am now,as I write this and relive one of the MOST PAINFUL EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE.....I remember thinking O-H- MY GOD, my Mom has lied to me....How could she lie about something so important??...How could she do this to me??? I felt humiliated. I had defended her to him for 6 weeks, saying that I believed in her....So, I pulled myself together and took the kids to a friends house. I then went and copied the results and dropped my Mom a copy in the mail. I didn't included a note or anything, I felt that there really wasn't anything to say....The paternity test results were self-explanatory...And I still had not faced the WORST PART OF THIS NIGHTMARE!....Since she resided in Florida, it would take four days for her to recieve the test results.....And in the meantime, I would soon be staring death in the face........

SWEET DREAMS-15

Thinking back to my childhood, I had a LOT OF UNRESOLVED ISSUES BEFORE MY 1st abusive marriage. I was adopted when I was just one week old by a middle aged couple.They were christian people. I did not find out that I was adopted until I was seven years old. It was very devastating to me. I often cried because I did not have answers as to why my mom gave me up. I grew up as an only child...By the time that I was 12, my adoptive mom was diagnosed with ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE...Since this was around 1972, there was limited information available about this terrible debilitating disease...All I know is,that my mom started becoming more and more forgetful and she started accusing me of everything from stealing her personal things to sleeping with my dad....These accusations hurt so much and I cried most of the time. My dad told me that she was sick, that her mind was slipping, and I should try to remember this. But,it still hurt nonetheless. This I believe is the main reason I decided to get married at 17. But, I only traded one Hell for another. My biological Mother came into my life when I was 16. And she re-entered my life when I was 21 and introduced me to a man that she claimed was my biological father BUT, when I was 37 years old I found out for sure THAT HE WAS NOT MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER!...My Mother lied....and this brings me to another abusive situation that I found myself in. It WAS NOT A RELATIONSHIP BUT, IT WAS AN ABUSIVE AND DANGEROUS SITUATION THAT I ENDED UP IN...During one of my separations from my 2nd abusive husband, I lost my apartment and was staying in a motel for awhile. I called my supposedly biological father and asked him if, I and my three little ones could stay with him for a couple of weeks, until my next pay period. He said O.K. and came and picked us up from the motel.I guess maybe I had been there for about four days, when he said that he needed to talk to me. I was sitting at the dining room table, reading the newspaper..He asked me to come into the living room where he was sitting and have a seat. I thought to myself, he is getting ready to tell me that he is not my father....He sounded so serious,that I could just tell. So I sat down on the sofa across from him and he looked me in the eyes and said " I'm in love with you and I'm not your father". I was FLABBERGASTED to say the least. I could not speak...I just sat there with this blank dumb expression on my face so, he kept talking. He said that we can take a paternity test so, that I will Know that he is not my father. He said that I could remain in his home until the test results came back........I don't remember exactly what I said to him...I just remember lying in bed that night trying to fall asleep...I remember waking up the following morning and getting myself and my children dressed and going over to my old apartment to use the phone to call my mom....I had not moved all of my things out yet..Anyway, I called my mom and asked her point blank if this person was my father and she said, yes he is. I told her everything that he told me and she was very apologetic. But,she stuck with her original story. So I was 95% sure that she was telling the truth even though at the end of our telephone conversation she snapped "Well take a paternity test if it makes you feel better. But, he is your father!".

SWEET DREAMS-14

Well,one thing is for sure, ONCE the abuse starts,it progressively escalates....it gets worse and more violent with each incident.I can remember in my first and second marriage,the abuse started with a slap,then an apology and the famous last words...it will never happen again. Sound Familiar?? The abuser always says that it will never happen again...you just made me angry...I'm just stressed out because of whomever or whatever..excuses,excuses.The abuser is a mastermind at excuses.And when the abusers tension is building up,you can sense it and feel it.I can remember well about the tension...I would walk around as if, I were walking on eggshells...I knew that the least little thing would set him off like a firecracker.But,nothing that I would do OR wouldn't do would stop the explosion..It always would happen regardless...many times you can't even see it coming. You may simply forget to put something away or pick up something..it does not much matter...The abuser will become outraged for whatever reason. I recall being told during my 2nd marriage by ex husband (in reference to my 1st husband being abusive to me also) "IT'S YOUR FAULT...THAT'S WHY YOUR FIRST HUSBAND BEAT YOUR_____ ______TOO". And at the time I really started to believe that he was right.I kept replaying this statement in my head over and over again.I eventually had to get counseling...I really had some very deep issues to deal with.OH, and did I mention that my 1st husband and my 2nd husband were FRIENDS?? BIZAAR, WEIRD?? UNREAL??....YES, ALL OF THE ABOVE..BUT, NONETHELESS QUITE TRUE....Yes, these two losers would hang out and drink beer together and share stories....and yes I was the topic on many occassions....I would like to ask...Is there anyone out there with an unsual story that they would like to share here?? I would like to hear from you...

Former NFL, FSU receiver Hassan Jones accused of assaulting daughter, threatening wife - St. Petersburg Times

Former NFL, FSU receiver Hassan Jones accused of assaulting daughter, threatening wife - St. Petersburg Times

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SWEET DREAMS-13

I was finally able to fall asleep this morning before 6:00 a.m.,for the first time since my daughter's abuser set our house on fire(June 6). Every night, I walk the floors, double check the windows and doors despite, the home security system that we had installed after the arson. I just can't relax...I think every night...is he going to come back and make sure that he gets it right this time?...are we going to wake up in the morning? I am bombarded by these lingering questions every night and I just can't fall asleep. My 14 yr. old son stays awake also,until after daybreak. I know that we have to change our schedules back to normal,before school resumes in August. Her abuser goes back to court on July 29th,to face the order of protection violation charges but,for right now,he is still free. And just knowing that he is still out there is very terrifying to, say the least. It's really too bad that abusers don't come LABELED! The past couple of days,my family and I have went to the park and just hung out together and it felt good but,we were still looking over our shoulders wondering....I long for our lives to get back to normal...I constantly ask myself why? Why my daughter?? But,I'm praying to God to help us get our lives back.You can only get through this type of horror with the Lords help...My daughter had her 22nd birthday this month.I am very happy to have her here, at home with her family,where she is loved. To everyone that may be in an abusive relationship or situation, please pay attention to ALL threats made toward you or your family.Make sure that you talk to SOMEONE and let someone know WHAT IS GOING ON! Any force used during an argument is also abuse. An abuser may hold their victim down or against a wall,pin you down on the floor or bed, push or shove their victim or physically prevent their victim from leaving the room. They may tell you that this behavior is to get you to listen to them. THIS IS NOT A REASON! I can recall one time, during my daughters' abusive relationship..she called me and asked me to meet her downtown...I immediately knew something was wrong...so,I took the bus downtown because I did not have a car at the time and my daughter was living nearby the place that she wanted me to meet her. After,I arrived downtown,I waited for her and she never showed..so I called the house phone to where she was living with her abuser, and her abuser answered the phone,I asked to speak with her and he put her on the phone...I ask her what happened to you?..."she goes "I can't come, are you mad?"...I said "No problem, I'll just go on my way" and hung up. I was annoyed more than anything but,I had no idea,what was really going on....she sounded fine..Anyway, I later found out that he had pinned her to the floor and would not allow her to leave...He put her on the phone I assume, to keep me from becoming suspicious. She kept a lot of his abusive behavior to herself out of fear...she has also revealed to me since her break-up with her abuser that he THREATENED HARM to us (her immediate family) if she left him or said anything about what he was doing to her....So, you see this is WHY an abuser DOES NOT want you to have CONTACT with family and friends...keeping you cut off from others,keeps him in control...he doesn't have to worry about you confiding in someone,that may help you get away from him......

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SWEET DREAMS-12

Another very important thing to remember if you have children with your abuser is, he very well may threaten to take your children away from you if you leave.This is very terrifying and can scare some women into remaining with the abuser especially,if should does not have financially resources of her own.But,I must say that risking YOU ARE RISKING YOUR LIFE AS WELL AS YOUR CHILDREN'S LIVES by remaining with your abuser.Children who do survive in abusive homes, usually grow up to become abusers themselves....this keeps the abusive cycle going...and these children tend to have very low self-esteem,suffer from depression,may have suicidal thoughts and suffer from bedwetting.You have to remember that the abuse EFFECTS them just as much,if not MORE than it does you...and they are helpless observers....just think about it...you are a child, and you are witnessing your dad attack your mom...he's hitting her,yelling at her...you can't even recognize this monster that is beating your mom. Pretty Scary isn't it???? When I did finally leave my 2nd husband for good, this is why I left, because of my children. He never ever hit my children but,on this one occasion, he yelled at our 6 yr. old son, for having the comic books that he gave him, all over the floor.He was yelling at him to put them away,and he was going on and on about the comic books....my six yr.old burst into tears...I screamed at my abuser to STOP IT AND APOLOGIZE TO MY SON! When he refused and went to bed, I knew in my heart that this was it! I told my baby don't cry, he will be gone for good by tomorrow,I promise...The next morning,I took my children to school and headed straight for the court house to request an order of protection. It took me all day to get the order, but I did it .It's like something just snapped inside of me..He had always targeted me, but now he was going to start abusing my kids too. NO WAY! I finally WOKE UP FROM THE DELUSION I HAD BEEN LIVING IN FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS! AND IT FELT GREAT! Because of his threats and previous filed police reports for abuse against me.The police brought me home and immediately awoke him from a drunken sleep and escorted him out of my house.And I have not LIVED WITH HIM SINCE.But, I have more than enough memories to last me a lifetime....I hope and I pray that by sharing them here with you,that I can encourage anyone who may be suffering in an abusive relationship to GET OUT NOW! IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER!..IT DOES...YOU CAN GET YOUR LIFE BACK!!! YOU JUST HAVE TO PRAY FOR THE COURAGE TO DO IT...

SWEET DREAMS-11

The abuser will also break or destroy things,he will also throw objects as well as punch holes in the wall or door.I can't help but remember an incident in my first marriage,where my abusive husband punched a hole in our living room wall,during an argument.This argument was among one our first...anyway,I asked him "Why did you punch a hole in the wall?" He turned to me,with this crazed look on his face and said "Which would you rather me do?...punch a hole in the WALL or punch a hole in your HEAD?" All I could do was think to myself...Who is this person? He was unrecognizable to me. But,there would be many,many, more times over the next five years,that I would cry and pray and wonder why- oh- why was I being punished at the hands of this boy that I married at 17...this boy that promised me that he would never hurt me...Even after 31 yrs.,it still brings tears to my eyes,thinking of all the pain my first abusive relationship brought me...I had three children in this abusive relationship....Abuse leaves scars....you never quite forget all the pain and heartache from being abused.And just to think this would not be my only abusive relationship,I had a few more to go...But,as I was saying,the abuser will break and destroy things...He does this to TERRORIZE his victim,basically to put the SCARE in you...These actions are designed to make you submit to him through FEAR.....

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PERFECT EXAMPLE

Here is a perfect example of how irrational and totally out of control an abuser can be.....(printed in the July 9th issue of the Kankakee Daily Journal) A 38 yr. old man was arrested on Friday for DOMESTIC BATTERY after a person alleged he struck her with a belt and his hand because his DINNER wasn't COOKED YET, Bradley police report.

SWEET DREAMS-10

By now,I hope and pray that you have begun to realize that you can not change your abuser..If you think back,during the course of your relationship,you may even recall him mentioning to you a situation with a former partner in his past,where he abused his partner.The abuser usually will confess to abusing a former partner...But,of course they will say it was the partners fault.The former partner made them do it...My 21 yr. old daughter heard this story from her abuser...He claimed that he came home and she was cheating with another man....so he attacked her....But,the abuser will ALWAYS blame the partner.VERBAL ABUSE is another form of domestic abuse..This form of abuse can be even more painful and degrading as physical abuse...IT IS JUST AS SERIOUS! This behavior usually goes along with physical abuse...But,there are a FEW exceptions where verbal abuse may be the only form of abuse an abuser may use toward his victim...The outcome is the same...YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM.....Back in the 90's during my second marriage...I had a really close friend,that met her abuser when she was 15 and still in high school....She got pregnant and had a daughter with her abuser..He was very attractive and a lot of girls wanted him...He SEVERALLY beat her to a pulp..she told me that he would often hit her while she lay sleeping in bed...she would wake-up and ask him "Why did you hit me?" and she said that he would say "That's for what you are going to do______"! She tried to leave him numerous times to no avail..Well,finally one day she left to her parents house and later he followed her there...she kept telling him to leave her alone but,he would not.So,she grabbed her dad's gun from a bedroom and shot him...he died..The police took her in for questioning and they let her go because they had plenty of police reports and pictures of her face all swollen up.She use to plead with me to get out of my abusive marriage before something really bad happened.She was one of the best friends that I've ever had in my life.....

SWEET DREAMS 9

Now the time has finally arrived,when you realize your prince is not really a prince but,a DR. JEYKLL AND MR. HYDE...You will no doubt wonder how did I get here? But,the more important question is how do you get out?? After 14 months with her abuser,my 21 yr. old daughter just came home on Friday May 29th,and she never went back to him.This is why one week later,her abuser tried to burn she and my whole family alive as we lay sleeping on Saturday morning June 6th.She finally had enough....she revealed to me that he had on several occasions choked her to the point she could not breath...this very abusive and frightening behavior made her realize that she had to GET OUT OF THIS SICK AND DEMENTED persons life as safely,as possible.We cried together and I held her tight after she told me this.This is any parents worse nightmare..especially a parent that has been there themselves.I prayed to God the whole time that she was with him.I thank God everyday for bringing my baby back home to me.But,some parents lose their child at the hands of their abuser.To those parents my heart goes out to you as well as my prayers.One can feel s-o-o helpless in abusive situations,where your adult child is involved with an abuser.You wonder over and over Why??? And no one can answer this very disturbing question to satisfaction for you...You must lean upon God and go on...this is easier said than done.But,to everyone that is suffering in a ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP at present...Please,Please GET OUT NOW! It only gets WORSE! I REPEAT YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM!!!!

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Sweet Dreams- Eight

Sometimes the abuser is chronically unemployed for which he blames others..someone is always doing him wrong or out to get him so,he claims.Hypersensitivity is also another clue...An abuser is VERY easily insulted.He will take the most simple and harmless statements as personal insults on his character.You are not allowed to refuse the abuser anything that he may ask of you.In his mind this is rejection and he simply can not handle the word NO from his victim.My daughter's abuser even cost her the job that was working when she met him.Seven months into their relationship,she was terminated.I can remember warning her about this also..Before she met her abuser she was very punctual,when it came to work.But,she progressively started being tardy...calling in sick...and eventually she was fired.I know for a fact that her abuser kept her up all hours of the night and she worked day shift.But,she still remained in the relationship...CRUELTY TO ANIMALS is a DEAD GIVEAWAY TO AN ABUSIVE PERSON! Please remember that..I can recall during my 2nd marriage,my abuser picked my dog and threw her about 50 feet across the back yard.Why?? He was cooking out in the back yard and he accidentally drop his bowl of barbecued pork steaks on the ground...my dog came over and started sniffing around them and he snatched her up and threw her sailing across the yard.My 3 youngest children were little but,they witnessed this much to their horror.How could someone be so mean to a helpless animal you may wonder...This very abusive behavior.Make No MISTAKE!THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR THIS!!!! The abuser will punish animals brutally,the abuser is insensitive to their pain or suffering..In fact they may get some kind of a sick thrill to see an animal suffer at their hand.The abuser may kick or throw a dog or cat.The abuser may also expect CHILDREN yes, you heard right CHILDREN to be capable of doing things beyond their ability such as,spanking a 2 yr.old for wetting their pants.60% of abusers who abuse their partner also abuse their children.HAVE YOU STARTED RUNNING YET??? And There is still more to DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HIDE believe it or not.......

Sweet Dreams 7

My daughter's abuser (the attack on his mother) brings me to another very crucial WARNING SIGN! The manner in which a potential abuser treats his mother,is a very important clue.If he is very disrespectful to his mother,uses references to his mom as a female dog,constant complaints of things done to him as a child..in a single parent family where there is not a father present,the abuser may blame his mom for his father's absence..I can remember my first husband telling me that I reminded him of his Mom.I wrongly thought that this was a very high compliment and felt flattered.But,I not to long afterwards discovered that this was one of the worst things he could have said to me.He absolutely hated and resented his mother.He blamed her for not having his father in his life, because his mom left his dad when he was around 2 or 3 yrs. old.He had no memories of his dad.I discovered that his mom had left his dad because he himself, was abusive to her.But,this did not matter in my abusers mind.So,please bear these very IMPORTANT points in mind and make note of them.If your potential absuser is resentful and full of hatred for his own mother WATCH OUT! Pay attention to how he treats and refers to women in general.

SWEET DREAMS 6

My daughter told me that her abuser told her,that if she ever left him...she would simply disappear and NO ONE would ever find her body.This is a very c-h-i-l-l-i-n-g statement,to hear from someone declaring that he loves you..Don't you think??? Even with our newly installed security system,I still can't fall asleep before dawn,I keep reliving the early morning hours of June 6th,when my daughter awakened us yelling SMOKE! MA SMOKE! FIRE!...My husband attempted to go into the kitchen but,the smoke was too thick..so,he immediately looked out of the bedroom door,from this door he could see the back wall where our kitchen is located..There he spotted the fire burning up the back of the house..the fire was making it's way up to my 14 yr. old son's room..where he and his 15 yr. brother were sleeping.I immediately picked up the phone and dialed 911.The dispatcher told me to get out of the house.I called upstairs to my precious children but,they did not hear me..my daughter ran past me and up to the upstairs bedroom to awaken them..immediately she was coming back down with both my sons right behind her..I cried with joy..Thank God..my family was O.K. We immediately got out of the house as instructed by the dispatcher of whom was still on the phone with me.We know that her abuser started that fire...he tried in vain to break into our house,two basement windows were broken..but,he could not get the windows unlocked, Thank God..I assume that he planned to start the fire from inside the house.When he failed to gain entrance,he started it from outside.Two days after the fire he posted a photo of himself,holding a flaming lighter to a social networking website.But,the police did not have any proof of his arson so,he went free..When he and my daughter were together he was always BLAMING OTHERS for everything that was wrong in his life..this is typical abuser behavior.Most of the time the abuser will blame his victim for everything that goes wrong in his life.My daughter once witnessed her abuser physically attack his OWN MOTHER! But,she still did not see him as dangerous...Pretty Bazaar huh? One might even say Crazy...

COMMENTS WELCOME!

To everyone that takes the time to read SWEET DREAMS please,post a comment..your comments are welcome.I could use the support.Thank You and God Bless you all.

Sweet Dreams 5

I can recall beginning to see less and less of my 21 yr.old daughter,shortly after she started dating her abuser.Which reminds me of how isolated my abuser(s) made me from my family and friends.The abuser will often refer to family and friends as,trouble makers that are out to destroy your relationship.The abuser tries to cut off ALL resources and possible support systems for their victim.This action is all designed to keep the victim from seeking help after being abused by the abuser.The abuser may take away your cellphone,your car keys as well as other personal belongings,in an attempt to keep total control over his victim.By now he is probably telling you that you do not need other people in your life.His expectations are TOTALLY UNREALISTIC..The abuser expects for the victim to take full responsibility for his emotional well being as well as everything in the home,catering to his every need and flying into a VIOLENT RAGE if the victim tries to refuse.I can remember,on this one occasion in my first marriage...I was beat up because I had left the apartment to go the nearby corner store for a pack of cigarettes,while my abuser was at work..He came home early and discovered that I was out.He found me and beat me severely outside of our apartment..The neighbors were too afraid to get involved.I was 18.You never forget these terrible memories...AND NOW WE CAN DISCUSS HIS CONSTANT NEED TO BLAME OTHERS FOR EVERYTHING THAT'S WRONG IN HIS LIFE!

Sweet Dreams 4

I remember back in June of 94,I was married to my 2nd abusive husband and pregnant with my now 14 year old son.Nicole Brown Simpson had been murdered.This sent a real chill down my spine.I can remember thinking,now her kids are left without a mother..But,I still remained in my abusive marriage for a little while longer.However,I did separate from him before my son was born.Of course this was not our first seperation.....ya,know the victim most always goes back to her abuser..You know the drill...'I'M Sorry' it won't happen again...Anyway on to Clue #3 CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR...The abuser wants to know your every move...if you arrive home late from an appointment or work,the abuser will become angry and accuse you of seeing someone else.The abuser at this point is very irrational.Trying to defend your actions or trying to reason with the abuser at this point can be very exhausting, to say the least.The abuser will want to control everything from what you wear,to where you go, to whom you talk too.Are you starting to wake up?Well,THERE'S EVEN MORE...AND IT GETS MORE SERIOUS AS WE GO ALONG...

Sweet Dreams-Three's A Crowd

I can remember having the very misguided feeling of being special and ooh so loved,because my husband was so insanely jealous.I was foolish and naive enough to think that this was cute.I was 17,the first time I got married...of course,it was against my adopted parents better judgement.But,you already know...that of course, I did not listen to them.So many women feel unrealistically flattered by the potential abusers jealousy.WAKE UP! You are headed in a DANGER ZONE! I must also mention that,I have suffered from depression my whole life..So,of course this added to my insecurities and acceptance of allowing myself to be a victim time and time again for years..I must say when my 21 yr. old daughter started dating her soon to be abuser..I could do something that,I could not do each time I met one of my future abusers..It was if I had some kind of a built in radar..something that I did not have concerning my abusive relationships.He may as well have been wearing a label because I could see right through him.He absolutely,terrified me.I tried over and over again to warn my daughter to no avail.She stayed in the relationship.I could tell exactly when she was starting to see the REAL person that she too quickly became involved with..Which brings me to #2)QUICK INVOLVEMENT! That Worldwind Wanna Be Romance.The potential abuser comes on strong "You are the only one for me" or "you are the only person that I can trust or talk to"..Many abusers propose in less than six months.Potential abusers will often put pressure on their victims for commitment...to the point that the victim may feel guilty if they want to slow down the relationship.This is yet another important clue..PAY ATTENTION! If these two very important clues are not enough Believe me THERE ARE MORE!

Sweet Dreams Too

First,I would like to say the feelings of hopelessness and just sheer low self esteem can cause a woman to feel so worthless,that she feels somehow it is her fault that her partner is abusive to her.These feelings are Totally Untrue.Please,Please do not listen to these negative feelings.If you have a trusted family member or friend..Please confide in them and let them be a strong source of support.You CAN NOT CHANGE HIM! You are waisting valuable time,if you try.I know that I felt for years, like it was my fault..I thought 'It must be my fault,if I keep attracting these kinds of guys".If you do not have a friend or family member,talk to your family doctor.If this is not an option call 1-800-559-safe.I know that a lot of women stay in the relationship because of finances and their children or both.Especially today,in these hard economic times.It can be difficult.But,your life is priceless..just remember that.If you have young children,they desperately need you.For those of you that would like to know what to look for, as far as WARNING SIGNS..TO VIOLENT ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR..# 1)EXTREME JEALOUSY! He will tell you especially in the beginning of your relationship,that his jealousy is because he loves you so much..you are the best thing that has ever happened to him.He doesn't want lose you.WATCH OUT!

Sweet Dreams

This blog is dedicated to women survivors of domestic violence.I was a victim of domestic violence for years.It is behind me now but,it recently touched my 21 year old daughter's life.All of the signs were there and I saw them and I desperately tried to warn her about them.But,of course she would not listen to me.Her ex-boyfriend recently set our house on fire as we were sleeping.The Lord awoke my daughter in time for her to alert us all(my husband & my two teenaged sons)we were able to escape without harm and our house was not very badly damaged.I have since installed a home security system.We all are still terrified because he was never arrested for the aggravated arson.The police did not have prove that he did it.Even though he posted a photo of himself,posing with a lighter burning,on a social network.My daughter has a 2yr. protection order against him.He violated it with telephone calls,he was arrested for this and he does have to go to court for it.In my blog I will list telltale signs of a potentially abusive person.I hope that I can help someone out there avoid becoming a victim of domestic violence.