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Sunday, July 12, 2009

SWEET DREAMS-10

By now,I hope and pray that you have begun to realize that you can not change your abuser..If you think back,during the course of your relationship,you may even recall him mentioning to you a situation with a former partner in his past,where he abused his partner.The abuser usually will confess to abusing a former partner...But,of course they will say it was the partners fault.The former partner made them do it...My 21 yr. old daughter heard this story from her abuser...He claimed that he came home and she was cheating with another man....so he attacked her....But,the abuser will ALWAYS blame the partner.VERBAL ABUSE is another form of domestic abuse..This form of abuse can be even more painful and degrading as physical abuse...IT IS JUST AS SERIOUS! This behavior usually goes along with physical abuse...But,there are a FEW exceptions where verbal abuse may be the only form of abuse an abuser may use toward his victim...The outcome is the same...YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM.....Back in the 90's during my second marriage...I had a really close friend,that met her abuser when she was 15 and still in high school....She got pregnant and had a daughter with her abuser..He was very attractive and a lot of girls wanted him...He SEVERALLY beat her to a pulp..she told me that he would often hit her while she lay sleeping in bed...she would wake-up and ask him "Why did you hit me?" and she said that he would say "That's for what you are going to do______"! She tried to leave him numerous times to no avail..Well,finally one day she left to her parents house and later he followed her there...she kept telling him to leave her alone but,he would not.So,she grabbed her dad's gun from a bedroom and shot him...he died..The police took her in for questioning and they let her go because they had plenty of police reports and pictures of her face all swollen up.She use to plead with me to get out of my abusive marriage before something really bad happened.She was one of the best friends that I've ever had in my life.....
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Posted by mmlncarter at 5:47 PM

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HURTS---LOVE ISN'T SUPPOSE TO

ARE YOU A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

1. Is your partner threatening or violent towards you or the children? 2. Do you find yourself making excuses or minimizing your partner's behavior? 3. Do you feel completely controlled by your partner? 4. Do you feel helpless, trapped, alone, and isolated? 5. Do you blame yourself for the violence? 6. Does your partner blame you and tell you that you are the cause of all his problems? 7. Do you blame the violence on stress, on drugs/alcohol, or a bad childhood? 8. Does your partner constantly accuse you of having affairs when he can't account for 100% of your time? Does he tell you jealousy is a sign of love? 9. Do you fear going home? 10. Are you limited in your freedom like a child? (Go to the store and come straight home. It should take you 15 minutes.) 11. Do you find yourself lying to hide your partner's real behavior (for example, saying you fell down the stairs when actually you were pushed)? 12. Are you embarrassed or humiliated by your partner in an effort to control your behavior, especially in public? 13. Does your partner abandon you, leave you places, or lock you out? 14. Does your partner hide your keys, mail, or other important papers? (clarkprosecuter.org)

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THE AFTER MATH OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE (by Dennis Thompson Jr.)

People who were sexually abused as children may have issues with sexual dysfunction and self-destructive behavior when they get older. Sexual abuse leaves many scars, creating feelings of guilt, anger, and fear that haunt survivors throughout their lives. Adults who have undergone sexual abuse as children commonly experience depression and insomnia. High levels of anxiety in these adults can result in self-destructive behaviors, such as alcoholism or drug abuse, anxiety attacks, and situation-specific anxiety disorders. The damage extends to the sexual abuse survivor's sense of their own sexuality. Many survivors also have trouble pursuing adult relationships and enjoying sex as an adult. The abuse can color a person's sexuality, preventing the survivor from pursuing a healthy sex life with a loving partner. Sexual Abuse and Sexual Behaviors In general, childhood sexual abuse survivors tend to either pursue sex recklessly as adults or to forgo sex completely, says Stephen L. Braveman, MA, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Monterey, Calif., and the western regional representative of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. "They typically wind up with splitting behavior, where things become very black and white," he says. "Either they are very sexually active, or they shut down sexually." www.everydayhealth.com

SWEET DREAMS 4 -My fourth Entrie

Monday, July 6, 2009 Sweet Dreams 4 I remember back in June of 94,I was married to my 2nd abusive husband and pregnant with my now 14 year old son.Nicole Brown Simpson had been murdered.This sent a real chill down my spine.I can remember thinking,now her kids are left without a mother..But,I still remained in my abusive marriage for a little while longer.However,I did separate from him before my son was born.Of course this was not our first seperation.....ya,know the victim most always goes back to her abuser..You know the drill...'I'M Sorry' it won't happen again...Anyway on to Clue #3 CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR...The abuser wants to know your every move...if you arrive home late from an appointment or work,the abuser will become angry and accuse you of seeing someone else.The abuser at this point is very irrational.Trying to defend your actions or trying to reason with the abuser at this point can be very exhausting, to say the least.The abuser will want to control everything from what you wear,to where you go, to whom you talk too.Are you starting to wake up?Well,THERE'S EVEN MORE...AND IT GETS MORE SERIOUS AS WE GO ALONG...

SWEET DREAMS-THREE'S A CROWD

I can remember having the very misguided feeling of being special and ooh so loved,because my husband was so insanely jealous.I was foolish and naive enough to think that this was cute.I was 17,the first time I got married...of course,it was against my adopted parents better judgement.But,you already know...that of course, I did not listen to them.So many women feel unrealistically flattered by the potential abusers jealousy.WAKE UP! You are headed in a DANGER ZONE! I must also mention that,I have suffered from depression my whole life..So,of course this added to my insecurities and acceptance of allowing myself to be a victim time and time again for years..I must say when my 21 yr. old daughter started dating her soon to be abuser..I could do something that,I could not do each time I met one of my future abusers..It was if I had some kind of a built in radar..something that I did not have concerning my abusive relationships.He may as well have been wearing a label because I could see right through him.He absolutely,terrified me.I tried over and over again to warn my daughter to no avail.She stayed in the relationship.I could tell exactly when she was starting to see the REAL person that she too quickly became involved with..Which brings me to #2)QUICK INVOLVEMENT! That Worldwind Wanna Be Romance.The potential abuser comes on strong "You are the only one for me" or "you are the only person that I can trust or talk to"..Many abusers propose in less than six months.Potential abusers will often put pressure on their victims for commitment...to the point that the victim may feel guilty if they want to slow down the relationship.This is yet another important clue..PAY ATTENTION! If these two very important clues are not enough Believe me THERE ARE MORE!

MY SECOND SWEET DREAMS ENTRY

Sunday, July 5, 2009 Sweet Dreams Too First,I would like to say the feelings of hopelessness and just sheer low self esteem can cause a woman to feel so worthless,that she feels somehow it is her fault that her partner is abusive to her.These feelings are Totally Untrue.Please,Please do not listen to these negative feelings.If you have a trusted family member or friend..Please confide in them and let them be a strong source of support.You CAN NOT CHANGE HIM! You are waisting valuable time,if you try.I know that I felt for years, like it was my fault..I thought 'It must be my fault,if I keep attracting these kinds of guys".If you do not have a friend or family member,talk to your family doctor.If this is not an option call 1-800-559-safe.I know that a lot of women stay in the relationship because of finances and their children or both.Especially today,in these hard economic times.It can be difficult.But,your life is priceless..just remember that.If you have young children,they desperately need you.For those of you that would like to know what to look for, as far as WARNING SIGNS..TO VIOLENT ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR..# 1)EXTREME JEALOUSY! He will tell you especially in the beginning of your relationship,that his jealousy is because he loves you so much..you are the best thing that has ever happened to him.He doesn't want lose you.WATCH OUT!

SWEET DREAMS (The beginning of this blog)

This blog is dedicated to women survivors of domestic violence.I was a victim of domestic violence for years.It is behind me now but,it recently touched my 21 year old daughter's life.All of the signs were there and I saw them and I desperately tried to warn her about them.But,of course she would not listen to me.Her ex-boyfriend recently set our house on fire as we were sleeping.The Lord awoke my daughter in time for her to alert us all(my husband & my two teenaged sons)we were able to escape without harm and our house was not very badly damaged.I have since installed a home security system.We all are still terrified because he was never arrested for the aggravated arson.The police did not have prove that he did it.Even though he posted a photo of himself,posing with a lighter burning,on a social network.My daughter has a 2yr. protection order against him.He violated it with telephone calls,he was arrested for this and he does have to go to court for it.In my blog I will list telltale signs of a potentially abusive person.I hope that I can help someone out there avoid becoming a victim of domestic violence.

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MANHUNT IN PEORIA (published ALLVOICES) by me win59

On Tuesday Morning November 16th,my husband and I awoke to the startling news of two inmates escaping from the Peoria County Jail sometime between Monday 8:00pm and Tuesday 6:30am. James Fuller 44 and Aaron Cook 28 had managed to escape from the roof.The two had tied sheets together to lower themselves from the rooftop of the jail.(it was like something out of a movie) Fuller had been digging his escape thru the roof for well over a year.Aaron Cook had been in jail since March for breaking the arm of a 3 year old girl.James Fuller an unemployed felon,already convicted of armed robbery and rape was accused of attacking the same woman twice(I & my husband remember reading about the attack in our local newspaper)He is described as a very scary character.Police warned the public that Fuller is to be CONSIDERED DANGEROUS.But,what really made this very scary for me personally,was the fact that he was tracked down to the very neighborhood in which I live.Aaron Cook was captured several hours after the two escaped.He was found hiding in the basement of a residence and two people were arrested for obstructing justice.But,Fuller was still at large.Just blocks away,Fuller broke into a resident's home,tied him up and robbed him,taking a vehicle and a cell phone.Around 7:00 pm he reportedly left the stolen vehicle in a High School parking lot(he was in my area now).The police tracked the cell phone to an area that is like 2 blocks from my house! I was a paranoid mess and I can imagine the fear his victims must have felt upon the news of his escape.He was out there somewhere the entire night.Police finally captured him in a vacant house,where he reportedly surrendered without a struggle(he had left my area).It is reported that Serial Rapist James Fuller 6'3 and 225 lbs. was a patient at Zellers Mental Health Center(now closed down) 20 years ago,when he overpowered a worker and escaped(he was 24 yrs. old) he was at large for 5 days.He was a sixteen year old basketball star when he was first charged with rape,it is reported.But,thanks to the Peoria Police Department and local authority's James Fuller Serial Rapist and Man Of Terror is back behind bars!