SWEET DREAMS-15

Thinking back to my childhood, I had a LOT OF UNRESOLVED ISSUES BEFORE MY 1st abusive marriage. I was adopted when I was just one week old by a middle aged couple.They were christian people. I did not find out that I was adopted until I was seven years old. It was very devastating to me. I often cried because I did not have answers as to why my mom gave me up. I grew up as an only child...By the time that I was 12, my adoptive mom was diagnosed with ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE...Since this was around 1972, there was limited information available about this terrible debilitating disease...All I know is,that my mom started becoming more and more forgetful and she started accusing me of everything from stealing her personal things to sleeping with my dad....These accusations hurt so much and I cried most of the time. My dad told me that she was sick, that her mind was slipping, and I should try to remember this. But,it still hurt nonetheless. This I believe is the main reason I decided to get married at 17. But, I only traded one Hell for another. My biological Mother came into my life when I was 16. And she re-entered my life when I was 21 and introduced me to a man that she claimed was my biological father BUT, when I was 37 years old I found out for sure THAT HE WAS NOT MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER!...My Mother lied....and this brings me to another abusive situation that I found myself in. It WAS NOT A RELATIONSHIP BUT, IT WAS AN ABUSIVE AND DANGEROUS SITUATION THAT I ENDED UP IN...During one of my separations from my 2nd abusive husband, I lost my apartment and was staying in a motel for awhile. I called my supposedly biological father and asked him if, I and my three little ones could stay with him for a couple of weeks, until my next pay period. He said O.K. and came and picked us up from the motel.I guess maybe I had been there for about four days, when he said that he needed to talk to me. I was sitting at the dining room table, reading the newspaper..He asked me to come into the living room where he was sitting and have a seat. I thought to myself, he is getting ready to tell me that he is not my father....He sounded so serious,that I could just tell. So I sat down on the sofa across from him and he looked me in the eyes and said " I'm in love with you and I'm not your father". I was FLABBERGASTED to say the least. I could not speak...I just sat there with this blank dumb expression on my face so, he kept talking. He said that we can take a paternity test so, that I will Know that he is not my father. He said that I could remain in his home until the test results came back........I don't remember exactly what I said to him...I just remember lying in bed that night trying to fall asleep...I remember waking up the following morning and getting myself and my children dressed and going over to my old apartment to use the phone to call my mom....I had not moved all of my things out yet..Anyway, I called my mom and asked her point blank if this person was my father and she said, yes he is. I told her everything that he told me and she was very apologetic. But,she stuck with her original story. So I was 95% sure that she was telling the truth even though at the end of our telephone conversation she snapped "Well take a paternity test if it makes you feel better. But, he is your father!".