MySpace post: Ex-wife says suspect innocent of killing family - Chicago Breaking News
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Tuesday, October 6, 2009
SWEET DREAMS UPDATE-MURDERED SWIMSUIT MODEL
Jasmine Fiore's mom and former boyfriend both disliked Ryan Alexander Jenkins, the reality show contestant accused in the horrific killing of the swimsuit model. Lisa Lepore told the Today show that he was a "professional con man" and "a fake," and boyfriend Robert Hasman said he was glad that Jenkins was dead.
But while they might have feared the worst, they may not have been able to persuade Fiore to leave Jenkins once and for all. Even those closest to a domestic violence victim often feel powerless to help her, experts say.
"A victim is often alienated from friends and family by the abuser, and if someone says something to her about the abuse, she may not listen," says Lynne Z. Gold-Bikin, founder and former chair of the American Bar Association Section of Family Law's Commission on Domestic Violence and an advocate for abused women.
And, she says, the mistreatment begins insidiously and escalates. "The abuse typically starts not with the man smacking the woman, but with him undermining her behavior by saying things like, you look fat, this dinner tastes awful, why can't you keep the kids quiet," Gold-Bikin says. "Then he says he is sorry, and the victim thinks it is all her fault and that she is in control of the abuse."
Domestic violence is all about control and power, says Dr. Bill Tollefson, Ph.D., clinical director of the Women's Institute for Incorporation Therapy at Hollywood Pavilion in Hollywood, Florida. "The issue of loyalty is very strong, and it is the victim who thinks she has the problem," he says.
Fiore's ex-hubby beat her two months before the murder, according to court records.
"The victim always thinks she is the one with the problem," Tollefson says. "If cuts or bruises are present, she explains them away. And since the abuser isolates the victim from her friends and family, it may be hard to see her."
Though it can be frustrating to persuade a battered woman to get help, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try, says Dr. Lenore Walker, executive director of the Domestic Violence Institute and the author of The Battered Woman."
"It is never okay to 'mind our own business,' Walker says. "One way to help is to tell the person that we understand that they are being abused and we are there to offer support. Or hand the person a card with the phone number of the local battered woman's shelter so they can use it when they are ready."
Rather than confronting the victim, use a "validating approach," says Katherine Muller, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Albert Einstein College of Medicine at Montefiore Medical Center. "Present some of the facts that you have in a non threatening way, and express concern in an open ended way so the individual can respond and give feedback," she says. "With this approach the person is less likely to be defensive and may even open up and see some of your points."
Sometimes, Walker suggests, it can be effective if you warn the abuser that if he doesn't stop his abusive behavior you'll call the police. "Domestic violence thrives when it is kept a secret," Walker says. "Friends and family should always interfere, but be careful not to bring about more violence to the woman."
The time when violence is most likely to occur is if a woman tries to leave an abuser. "This is the time she is most likely to be hurt or killed," Walker says.
Jasmine Fiore may have been desperately trying to make her escape from Jenkins when she was killed. In texts and emails with former boyfriend Hasman, she'd indicated that she wanted to leave her ex, according to Hasman. She was considering a trip to Las Vegas to see him, Hasman says, and had texted him, "I'm coming" early on the morning of August 15. That was the last message he received from her. (NY Daily News Article)
But while they might have feared the worst, they may not have been able to persuade Fiore to leave Jenkins once and for all. Even those closest to a domestic violence victim often feel powerless to help her, experts say.
"A victim is often alienated from friends and family by the abuser, and if someone says something to her about the abuse, she may not listen," says Lynne Z. Gold-Bikin, founder and former chair of the American Bar Association Section of Family Law's Commission on Domestic Violence and an advocate for abused women.
And, she says, the mistreatment begins insidiously and escalates. "The abuse typically starts not with the man smacking the woman, but with him undermining her behavior by saying things like, you look fat, this dinner tastes awful, why can't you keep the kids quiet," Gold-Bikin says. "Then he says he is sorry, and the victim thinks it is all her fault and that she is in control of the abuse."
Domestic violence is all about control and power, says Dr. Bill Tollefson, Ph.D., clinical director of the Women's Institute for Incorporation Therapy at Hollywood Pavilion in Hollywood, Florida. "The issue of loyalty is very strong, and it is the victim who thinks she has the problem," he says.
Fiore's ex-hubby beat her two months before the murder, according to court records.
"The victim always thinks she is the one with the problem," Tollefson says. "If cuts or bruises are present, she explains them away. And since the abuser isolates the victim from her friends and family, it may be hard to see her."
Though it can be frustrating to persuade a battered woman to get help, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try, says Dr. Lenore Walker, executive director of the Domestic Violence Institute and the author of The Battered Woman."
"It is never okay to 'mind our own business,' Walker says. "One way to help is to tell the person that we understand that they are being abused and we are there to offer support. Or hand the person a card with the phone number of the local battered woman's shelter so they can use it when they are ready."
Rather than confronting the victim, use a "validating approach," says Katherine Muller, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Albert Einstein College of Medicine at Montefiore Medical Center. "Present some of the facts that you have in a non threatening way, and express concern in an open ended way so the individual can respond and give feedback," she says. "With this approach the person is less likely to be defensive and may even open up and see some of your points."
Sometimes, Walker suggests, it can be effective if you warn the abuser that if he doesn't stop his abusive behavior you'll call the police. "Domestic violence thrives when it is kept a secret," Walker says. "Friends and family should always interfere, but be careful not to bring about more violence to the woman."
The time when violence is most likely to occur is if a woman tries to leave an abuser. "This is the time she is most likely to be hurt or killed," Walker says.
Jasmine Fiore may have been desperately trying to make her escape from Jenkins when she was killed. In texts and emails with former boyfriend Hasman, she'd indicated that she wanted to leave her ex, according to Hasman. She was considering a trip to Las Vegas to see him, Hasman says, and had texted him, "I'm coming" early on the morning of August 15. That was the last message he received from her. (NY Daily News Article)
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